Why You Should Try to Stop Your Divorce Today
© Denys Dolnikov|Dreamstime
If your husband or wife wants a divorce, here are three reasons why you should try to stop your divorce today and save your marriage. These reasons may not surprise you, but how you can use them to your advantage might.
Reason #1 to Stop Your Divorce – Your children
According to the University of New Hampshire‘s Cooperative Extension department, divorce can have the following effects on children by age groups:
Pre-school: will often believe the divorce is their fault and may show more childish behavior while trying to understand how they could have behaved differently to keep their parents together.
Elementary school: Often have the most difficulty dealing with divorce. Unequipped to deal with the wild emotions brought about by divorce they may act out and demonstrate utter sadness and/or fits of anger.
Adolescents: Have the strongest capacity for understanding the divorce but the most memories of the parents being together. May feel pressured to choose sides or step in and take control of younger siblings to fill voids they sense in the family structure. Divorce can have an impact on adolescents’ thoughts about marriage for their own future.
Reason #2 to Stop Your Divorce – Money
Suddenly, the income supporting one household must now be spread amongst two households and that isn’t going to happen without some sacrifice. Retirement plans you might have had, savings you have stashed away for the children’s college funds, and your own rainy day money are all going to be drained by attorney’s fees and/or split by court order.
It doesn’t matter what your friends tell you about spousal support or what you think you deserve in child support, neither of you will be left with enough to live as you were living. You have the same money covering more expenses. Everyone has to do without.
Reason #3 to Stop Your Divorce – Most Divorces Can Be Prevented
Marriages have survived infidelity, war, crime, long separation, and serious, debilitating illness. That’s what marriage is, by the way. Two people agreeing to fight tooth and nail to support each other even when it’s the last thing you feel like doing. No one said it would be easy. It takes a lot of work, faith and commitment to keep a couple strong year after year. Giving up is easy – staying together is hard. Each of you played a role in how you got here and you can choose to let it slip away or you can fight to keep it back together. Based on reasons #1 and #2, isn’t it worth a fraction of your life to try to work it out?
Visit the Save My Marriage guide through this button for the exact steps you can take to stop your divorce:
As I said, these aren’t surprising reasons. You probably already had them in the back of your mind. You may have even tried talking about these reasons with your spouse in an effort to stop your divorce. The thing is, once a person is considering filing for divorce, they are pretty far down the road of having left you. It is a long haul to pull them back and if you say or do the wrong thing, you are likely only going to push them away that much faster. They may feel tremendous guilt about what they are putting you and the family through but they don’t see any alternative solutions.
Your job is to offer some solutions. Carefully. Delicately.
Don’t throw these reasons in their face. Statements like, “Can’t you see what you’ll be doing to our children?” aren’t going to be helpful. Your spouse is an adult. They probably are very concerned about the children, they just don’t see any other way around whatever problems you are having and by trying to blame them, you will only make them run faster.
Instead – suggest. Suggest that the two of you, as responsible parents and adults, take a time out, a step back, a big breath and plan carefully. Suggest that it would be much easier if the two of you could seek professional help if for nothing other than to help the children deal with the divorce. Don’t tell the children what’s happening yet. Just see if you can get your spouse to agree to counseling simply to fully understand all of your options and the consequences of your actions. If you explain that it is for the benefit of the children, your spouse may be more willing to participate.
Suggest that you realize both of you will be financially impacted and it would be valuable to see if there was a way to make the whole process less costly. Wouldn’t it be beneficial to explore negotiators or even some time living apart but in the same house? Suggest anything to keep the two of you together while you have time to work on your relationship problems. Point out the financial benefits of doing so.
The real trick is doing all of this calmly and with maturity. I know the possibility of divorce is downright frightening. If you need individual counseling or help to maintain your composure during this time, get it. If you can’t afford it, try an online guide to help you know what to say and do to stop your divorce. The benefits of doing so will be well worth the money.
