Relationship Mistakes Women Make with Men

© River Gallery Artist

Ever wonder why a guy broke up with you?  These relationship mistakes women make with men can push a guy away over time.  The real problem is that you may not have recognized you were even doing these things.  That’s because they’re typical, human behaviors.  Mix them in carelessly with the sensitive nature of a loving relationship, though, and they can spell disaster.

Expecting Him to be More Romantic
First, the definition of “romantic” is different for all of us.  We all grow up with a certain expectation that we learn from watching television and movies, from reading romance novels, or from our own parents and family.  Roses and candlelight might be one woman’s definition of romance while for another it is just hearing “I love you” at the end of a phone call.

That’s part of the problem.  If we all have different expectations of what it means for a guy to be romantic, how could we possibly expect any man to pass the test?  He’d have to be a mind-reader and those are in awfully, short supply.

If you are lacking romance in your relationship, tell your guy what it is you like.  Give him some ideas to get him started.  Or start the trend yourself.  If you wish your guy would plan an elegant night out at a nice restaurant, do it first.  Then tell him the next romantic evening is his to plan and let him know you can’t wait to see what he comes up with.  If you make it something he can look forward to, he’ll be more inclined to put his heart into it instead of the approach women often take.  Ever found yourself saying, “I wish you were more romantic!”  All that does is leave a guy feeling down, guilty, and unappreciated.

Being Jealous of His Time with Others
Whether it be his family, his friends, or even his respect for an ex girlfriend, a woman who is so jealous she can’t respect that her guy has other friendly relationships has some security issues that should be addressed.  For her own sanity, if she can find some peace in being able to share her guy, she’ll find he greatly respects her ability to let him be his own, unique person.

Ignoring His Needs
Just as every woman has a slightly different definition of romance, each man has different needs, too – a different definition of what he needs in order to feel comfortable and secure in a relationship.  Maybe he wants to talk to you by phone after work every day.  Maybe he wants you to be more aggressive in the bedroom.  If you ignore those needs, it can cause a gap in your relationship over time.

This is particularly dangerous to your ability to stay together if he has expressly stated what he needs from you and you still blow off his requests.  Your actions tell him you don’t really care enough to satisfy his needs – the equivalent of saying you don’t really care about HIM.

Maybe his requests are difficult for you to fulfill.  Certainly anything illegal or unhealthy is out of the question, but if his needs are something you could fulfill and you don’t, you need to question why.  Have a mature discussion with your guy about why you are struggling with meeting his needs.  If he knows how you feel it will be easier for him to help you so the two of you can work things out together.  If he is just left to wonder why you don’t care, he might wonder if he wouldn’t be happier with someone else.

Criticizing his Family/Hobbies/Job/Income
Oh, we mean well when we say things like “Your mother is too controlling”, or “You could do so much better at another job than the one you have” but do you know how those complaints get interpreted?  They go in his ear, travel through a mental translation machine (we all have them) and come out sounding like “I don’t like your mother”, “You don’t try hard enough at work”.

Criticism, even constructive, is hard to deliver as anything but a negative.  Instead of saying something that might come across as a knock to your man’s ego, think about how it might sound to your guy before you say something critical.

You can’t separate a guy from his family, his likes, or his job.  If you don’t like those things about him and can’t get past them, the problem is yours.  Consider why those things are important to you.  Are they important enough to make you unhappy in the relationship long-term?  Then perhaps you should end the relationship and move on.  If you continue down the path of criticizing parts of your boyfriend’s life, he will eventually lose his love for you and/or you will live a long life of misery trying to get him to change.

Dismissing His Dreams
One should be able to discuss all of their hope and dreams with their partners.  In the middle of a late night talk, if your boyfriend tells you he wants to become a singer, you shouldn’t laugh.  Even if you know can’t sing a lick on key.  Laughing at your partner’s dreams has a tendency to smash a little piece of their heart.  If we can’t have our dreams, the future looks awfully bleak.

Sure, maybe he can’t sing but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t learn.  It just means he’s probably not going to cut a CD tomorrow.  What if, instead of laughing, you helped him work out what he’d have to do to explore his dreams?  Explore his interest in voice lessons, formal instruction, a plan for paying for the lessons, how he could fit lessons in with his other responsibilities, etc.  If he can’t sing?  Let a professional be the one to tell him.  He’ll have much more respect for you if you are supportive and helpful.

Expecting Him to Take Care of You
If you aren’t a partner in your boyfriend’s life and you expect him to take care of you, it’s as if you are constantly emptying his emotional bank account.  Someday, there will be no deposit amount left in his account for you – and I’m not talking money.

Life is hard work.  It is filled with responsibilities, high moments, low moments, stress, and demands.  If he is the only one taking care of those, he’s going to get very tired, very fast and it will become obvious to him at some point that he’s the only one giving anything to the relationship.  You’ve got to give something back.  Help him through stressful periods and find ways to make his life easier, too.

These relationship mistakes women make with men are relationship breakers.  If not today, then they are likely to cause a problem in the future.  While it’s hard to stand outside ourselves and see if we are guilty of any of these, but if you are struggling in your current relationship or recognize that some of these play into problems you have had in the past with previous relationships, having this information is one piece of the puzzle.  Stopping yourself from doing them again is the second.  Fortunately, once you are aware of their impact, you can turn things around pretty easily with a little self-awareness.  You might even be able to get back together with an ex if you think one of these mistakes contributed to your breaking up and you can show him you have changed.