Is Your Guy Hung Up on His Ex?

I know a songwriter whose depth of meaning in her lyrics belies her age.  She’s fifteen but her stories sound as if they come from the experience of having loved and lost.  Maybe that’s because our feelings about love start during puberty and they really never change.

We want the same things now we did when we were young.  We want happily-ever-after love.  We want to be the single, shining star in our man’s eyes.  We want utter devotion, complete honesty, and a soul-mate all wrapped into one.

Even when we figure out that past experiences cling to us like the invisible threads spun early morning across a dew-covered bush, we struggle with the past loves that comes with our boyfriend or girlfriend.  You might not see them, but you feel them.

Like when your guy won’t stop talking about his ex.  Sure, he says they are just friends now or that he no longer has feelings for her but then why won’t he stop talking about her?  Doesn’t he know how much he’s hurting you?

Here’s my friend’s daughter’s original song about a girl, her guy and the ex that haunts them:

Yes…and no.  Yes, he probably realizes it’s not wise to mention how much fun they had when they took a road trip to the mountains on the spur of the moment.  But he can’t stop himself and he makes himself feel better by telling you that mentioning her doesn’t mean anything.  You both know it’s not true.

What does it mean when a guy is hung up on his ex?  Don’t jump to the conclusion that it means he doesn’t love you.  He’s WITH you.  Instead, what if it meant that there was something about the relationship he had with his ex that he misses?  Not her that he misses -- but something about the relationship that he’d love to have with you.

Think of those comments as clues to a puzzle.  Take the example of the road trip.  Maybe there was more spontaniety in his previous relationship and he’d like to have that with you.  If you can figure out what’s missing and fill in those gaps, you might find you never hear her name again.

Don’t shut him up when he starts talking about his ex girlfriend.  I mean, you don’t want it to go on forever.  Just take some notes and use the information to make your relationship even better.