How to Stop the Make Up-Break Up Cycle Once and For All
© Bono0
“I love you.” “I never want to see you again.” “Wait a minute – I can’t live without you!”
Do you have one of those relationships where you spend as much time broken up as you spend as a couple? Learn how to stop the Make Up/Break Up cycle and stop fighting all the time.
Couples caught in this vicious whirlwind have one of two problems. They either love each other a whole lot or they really don’t belong together but don’t know how to move on. Do you know which category you fall in?
My guess is that most couples who find themselves in this situation really love each other but have some serious problems to work on and the biggest of them is communication.
A couple fights when they have a disagreement that results in their emotions to overruling logic, rationale, and reasoning. Considering how much our feelings get wrapped up in a relationship, it’s completely natural to see how a fight results from even the smallest of arguments.
When we lack the skills to come to an agreement, we start pulling out our dirtiest, secret weapons. Nasty, spiteful comments, loud voices, and belittling attacks on character fly from our mouths. It’s a self-defense mechanism. This is the critical turning point because now we’re no longer trying to resolve a disagreement – we’re fighting to win the battle and in order for us to win, the other party must lose.
The fight continues to escalate until one party plays the final card. The break up card. They see no other way to win.
The sad thing is, everyone loses.
The best way to stop the Make Up/Break Up cycle once and for all is to learn to keep your cool during an argument. Even if your boyfriend or girlfriend goes absolutely ballistic!
Have you heard this saying?
It means that if you can keep your cool while others are losing theirs, you will go far in all that you do. You have a better chance of getting what you really want and keeping it. You can stop that vicious cycle.
In your head, go back to the last argument you had with your boyfriend or girlfriend – right up to the point when the first insult was hurled. What if when they said, “I think your job is so stupid!”, you said, “Honey, I know you’re upset and I want us to figure this problem out together. Why don’t you tell me what has you the most upset?” Do you think the conversation would go differently than if you came back with, “Well, your nose is too big!”
If you can keep yourself from taking the insult-bait, the other party usually stops attacking, too. It might take ignoring two or three comments and you need to be completely sincere in wanting to work things out but you can’t do it if you let the argument escalate out of control.
This is an important skill and one that can serve you well in all kinds of relationships, not just those with your spouse or partner. It takes practice and patience and concentration but if you can completely change the style you use to work through problems with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you can change the tone of your relationship for the better and get off that Make Up/Break Up roller coaster.
