Knock Your Ex Off That Pedestal if You Want them Back

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Elevated your ex to an undeserved status of perfection? Kick that pedestal out from underneath them for a confidence boost that helps you really focus on getting back with your ex.

To “put your ex on a pedestal” means that you behave as if your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend is more important than yourself or than other people. After a break up, it is common to elevate your ex to a position of value greater than yourself – even greater than the position you had them at before you broke up.  Before, he or she was just your other half. After an unwanted break up, you act as if they are a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow you can’t see. Your mind zeroes in on them like a target and there seems to be no changing course.

When you’ve reached this point, it makes it very difficult for you to behave in a way that can be helpful in recovering any relationship with your ex because if you’ve put them “up here” you have simultaneously put yourself “down there”. That messes with your head….gives you a complex…makes you do stupid things….causes you to second guess your ex’s every response. Who can think clearly this way?

Kick some Holes in that Pedestal

Nobody is perfect. You aren’t, your ex wasn’t, and they were NOT your only chance at happiness. That’s one of those games our heads play with us. “My ex was perfect for me! I’ll never be able to get anyone like them again!”

Have you ever read about how your mind gets stuck in a loop and plays messages that aren’t healthy for you? After a break up the messages can be so strong that you believe them way more than you should. In fact, your head is so buried in misery after a break up that you often don’t realize just how good a job you’re doing at knocking yourself down. Have you thought any of the following (or similar) messages to yourself lately?

• I didn’t deserve my ex boyfriend’s love.

• I knew my ex girlfriend was too good for me.

• I should have done a better job of showing my ex how much I loved him.

• If I were in better shape I bet my girlfriend would have stayed with me.

Ugh! Each message is a kick to your ego. No wonder you’re stressed out about never being happy again. You are spending a lot of time telling yourself how worthless you are all because one relationship took a sudden change in course.

It wouldn’t hurt to remember that your ex had some faults of their own. Do you remember what they were?

YOU Are Valuable, Too

You need an ego boost. You are not the worthless person you are starting to create in your mind. You are giving your ex power over you that they don’t deserve. You know what, you’re a pretty amazing person, too, and you need to remember that. Start recognizing your own positives.

It’s really hard to stop playing those negative messages in your head. You could spend a lot of time trying to recognize when they pop up and trying to stop them. That in itself is an impossible game. Did you ever hear that telling someone not to think about something makes them think about it even more?

Like this: I want you to work really hard at NOT thinking about purple elephants. No matter what I say, don’t think about purple elephants AT ALL. Wipe those purple elephants from your head RIGHT NOW!!

(Thinking about purple elephants yet?)

See, if I tell you not to think about something, it’s suddenly all you can think about. Instead of trying to do the impossible and STOP playing the negative messages, it’s much easier to take a positive action instead. START thinking about your positives. Forget trying to stop the negatives. They’re going to pop into your head and try to bring you down. But if each day you spend some time to recognize how great a person you are, what skills you have, the things you are good at, the things your friends and family love about you, then you are going to be offsetting the damage caused by those negative messages. You are going to start feeling better about yourself. That puts you back in a position of power and confidence.

List some of your own positives right now.  I KNOW you have some!  Get that piece of paper and start writing.  Tape it to your bathroom mirror, your nightstand, your purse or stationary bike – wherever you’ll see it every day.

If you need help with this, your friends and family are the perfect allies. They’ve probably already tried to do this for you. Friends and family are really good at helping to stroke sore egos. Use them! If you find yourself having a particularly bad day where you’ve beat yourself up over the break up, call on your best supporter and flat out tell them you need an ego boost. They’ll gladly give you some positive messages you can replay in your head as needed.

Working from a Level Playing Field

Once you’ve taken your ex off of that pedestal you put them on, you’ll be able to work at getting back together from a level playing field. Now you are just two people, both with some value and positive self worth. Now you want to work at rebuilding your relationship and getting back together.

One of the critical points in the strategies recommended by the Magic of Making Up is that you need to be able to maintain some self control when it comes to dealing with your ex in order for you to have the best chance at getting back together. Your head just works against you naturally but if you use these tips I suggested to remember that you are worth more than you think you are and that your ex wasn’t perfect, you are going to actually be able to maintain that necessary control.

Don’t let your head mess with your plans of getting back with your ex. Instead, use these tactics to help you feel better about yourself. Other people like to be with people who feel good about themselves and my guess is you’re worth being with or you wouldn’t care so much, right?